Friday, December 07, 2007

 

Now on the liter side!

Rated: 13 plus:

You have to love A Country Bitch

* A City Bitch will take you where you need to go.
A Country Bitch throws you her keys and says, "It needs gas in
it"!

* A City Bitch will tell you not to fight, it aint worth it.
A Country Bitch will say, "beat her ass" and look at the crowd
and say, "better nobody jump in".

* A City Bitch will let another bitch know she can back the f*** up
or get knocked the f*** out.
A Country Bitch will just knock her out!!!

* A City Bitch tells you, she's had enough to drink.
A Country Bitch tells you,"we need another shot, we bout to get
f***ed up"!

* A City Bitch goes to the club with you and sits down.
A Country Bitch goes to the club with you and says," lets show
these City Bitches how we do it"!

* A City Bitch wonders.... Who your New Man Is.
A Country Bitch knows his first name, last name, his birthday,
where he lives, who he's related to, what
kinda car he drive's, where he works, how many babies mama's he has,
and how many Bitches he is talking
to right now!!!

* A City Bitch thinks the friendship is over when you have an
argument.
A Country Bitch lets you know, "that was f***ed up, but I still
love you ."

* A City Bitch expects you to always be there for them.
A Country Bitch knows you will always be there for them, they
don't have to expect shit.

Labels: Music: Ask Your Heart

posted by Johnnie 12:49 PM

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Tuesday, October 02, 2007

 

REDNECK CHURCH

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one

2 You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
Instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if...
The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".

God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers

Labels: Music: Ask Your Heart

posted by Johnnie 9:39 AM

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